Kick-Ass 2


One of my points of pride is that I’ve never walked out on a movie in a movie theater. I’ve sat through absolute trash in the hopes that I find a redeeming quality that makes up for the time I just wasted. Even when I’m watching movies at home, I rarely turn them off before they’re over. “Surely,” I think, “there must be something in here I’ll enjoy! Even if it’s just one laugh, or great action scene. I’ll sit here, and wait, and it’ll all (sort of) be worth it.”

I almost walked out on Kick-Ass 2 multiple times.

I don’t know why I stuck with it, other than maybe to continue hate-watching it. But it wasn’t hate-watching in the traditional, enjoyable sense. It was hate-watching in a way that made me physically angry and uncomfortable.

Saying Kick-Ass 2 is a bad movie is disrespectful to the idea of cinema. It’s offensive on nearly every level and succeeds on almost none.

It’s almost impressive how vile this movie is. The first Kick-Ass is not only a good film, but an important one. Matthew Vaughn’s direction made sense of Mark Millar’s comics, and got rid of the offensive stuff that didn’t play into Vaughn’s larger critique. The sequel fares far, far worse in the hands of Jeff Wadlow.

Who? You know, Jeff Wadlow! Director of cinematic classics like Cry_Wolf and Never Back Down! That Jeff Wadlow! Duh. (Don’t worry. I’ve never heard of him either, and I’ll never see another one of his movies.)

Here’s a list of reasons why Kick-Ass 2 is a horrifying abomination:

  • Because rape (or attempted rape, because of erectile dysfunction LOL!) should never be played for comedic effect.
  • Because I don’t want to see girls vomiting and shitting their pants in a cafeteria.
  • Because it took everything good and meaningful and insightful about the first movie and vomited and shit all over it.
  • Because it de-humanized Hit Girl.
  • Because it didn’t have Nicolas Cage in it.
  • Because the villain was named “The Motherfucker” and that wasn’t the saddest part about him.
  • Because other people actually somehow LIKED this movie.
  • Because I loved the first and really looked forward to this. Because Jim Carrey was in it and even though I don’t like Jim Carrey in most things, he shouldn’t have to deal with this.
  • Because it was the worst thing I saw in 2013, if not ever.

If this website is able to accomplish one mission, I hope that mission is ensuring that you never, ever, ever see this horrendous, offensive, piece of shit of a movie. I can’t say this loudly enough: Kick-Ass 2 is NOT worth your time.

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